Ep #47: Limiting Emotions Limits Potential (w/ Matthew Nadu)

Matthew Nadu, posting with full beard and cowboy hat
https://www.instagram.com/matthewnadu

 

In this episode, I talk to Matthew Nadu, a multimedia Content Creator and Social Media Manager for Evryman men’s group, as he shares his personal journey of growing up in Philly starting out as a sports columnist leaving mainstream news to pursue adventure in LA. Exploring human emotion and connection through learning how to sit with heartbreak, fear, anger, and vulnerability, by building community and taking on leadership.

Listen on other streaming platforms at http://anchor.fm/victorung.

Here are some quotes from Matt in The Episode: 

Embracing and Managing Anger  Through Emotional Intelligence

 I moved out to Los Angeles a couple years ago, and one thing I learned to do is when I was angry I showed anger. A lot of people out here just didn’t know how to handle that. And I noticed two things. One I never backed down that anger was an important emotion for me. It’s an emotion that people have. It’s a healthy emotion. And it’s something that we all should or need to express. And what I noticed out here in Los Angeles is that a lot of people suppress that anger. They don’t know how to handle anger, they run from anger. They didn’t have a healthy relationship with anger. So I realized that even though the way that I responded to things was authentic (I hate the word authentic), that  was what I was actually feeling (anger). 

If I get angry, I know I’m getting angry because I  start to , grind my teeth, or I can feel my face getting flush, or my breathing gets shallow. So when I start to notice those things happen, I can be like, Okay, well, I feel like I’m getting angry. And obviously this happens super fast, but I feel like I’m getting angry. Is this justified? Is it something that’s going to help out the situation that I’m in? And is it easier for me just to let this go? 

I’m learning how to harness it in a good way and not feel bad about being angry.

 learning like, Oh man, this is almost like a superpower that I can get angry and it fuels me , to do things and to make big moves, but I’m also able to dance with it equally and be able to control that.

Now with emotional intelligence I’m aware of it more, which means that I can react in a better fashion than I used to.

Using Fear as a Superpower

I think about fear and how fear can literally be the greatest catalyst for a man

I’m gonna step right into it, and I’m going to kick that damn door open. That’s been the greatest thing for me 

Sitting With And Growing From Sadness And Heartbreak 

I get sad but allowing that to happen. And knowing that that’s a process that I have to go through, if I’m going to come out a better person on the other side. 

just sitting in that sadness. Not being angry or not, doing what I used to do, or blaming everything on her, but just sitting in and being like, you know, this didn’t work out it sucks. I wish it did, And I don’t know what the future holds. But I’m just going to sit in this and I’m going to reflect on this and I’m going to feel how my body feels. And I’m gonna realize how blessed I am to know somebody who makes me feel this way and helps me reflect on  ultimately trying to be a better person. 

She said we wasted so much time I’m like, but we didn’t, because we were learning more about each other, and ourselves. 

Embracing Vulnerability 

Be that guy that just reflects and just be like, Yo, I’m kind of struggling with whatever or whatever. Just take that leap of vulnerability. Because when you do that the other guys at first might be like, yo, Steve, what the hell are you talking about? But inside, they’ll know, Damn, I’m going through the same thing. 

Slowly start to chip away at things like that. Just taking that risk of showing some vulnerability.   

It takes a lot of balls for somebody to call somebody out. 

I can have an emotion about somebody and I can like, work through it in a healthy way. when I encounter that outside of my group. I know how to handle it, and I can be emotionally aware of what’s going on and have a way better outcome than I would have if I wasn’t prepared in that area.

let that man have a space let him talk and sit in it and think about that. And then maybe we could bring it up next week or we can go into it more

Afraid to Feel 

“They don’t know that they’re afraid to talk about their emotions”.

Tons of guys in the Midwest like these Rust Belt, hard working blue collar guys who’ve never talked about emotions and you can just see the way that they’re hunched over or their body language and it’s just  so much stress and emotions that they have . 

They’re afraid to talk about their fears or anxieties or that they’re not good enough. 

I really want to dive into that work. That’s like, dude, you’re not any less of a dude because you say you just go love you dude and  do a quick back pat. It’s like, oh man, they’re like, hug that guy. Yeah, you know, because a lot of these guys don’t get that. 

Guys will never  live to their fullest capacity because they’re in this little box of what society says. I have to be this. I have to be this tough badass guy. You’re not fooling anyone right? It’s like, come on, bro.  

life is full of rejection and you get hard so I had to learn to walk away from that and not let that affect me.

Lack of Support

“Men really don’t have a lot of friends.”

So many guys in my men’s group, literally just joined just to make friends.

They don’t have that support. They don’t have the guy that they can call like. It’s like that movie. I love you, man.

Finding Community and Support 

There’s a million things you could do but honestly like, and I don’t know if this is Evryman, I guess, but like, legit go to Evryman.com with one E. There’s literally there’s a section in there just in groups, you click on that it will show you a map of the country, click on wherever you are. It’ll literally send an email and you write down why you want to join the group. It’ll literally send an email to the guy that facilitates that group. If they’re full, or if, if they don’t have enough room in that group, (because we’re starting to grow) They will literally take like seven or eight guys that reach out and they’ll put them all together and give you the framework to start your own men’s group. So you don’t have to go in cold.

 If you don’t have a group of guys, the easiest thing is just to jump on Evryman. And there’s also tons of other things like mankind project. I only know every man so I promote them. But go out and see what works for you. 

don’t be discouraged if you go to like a men’s group and that one doesn’t feel right for you.

maybe they had an off night or those guys are kind of struggling with whatever it doesn’t mean that’s the whole experience. 

Embracing Leadership 

“I have been Embracing that people see me as a leader. I used to always run from that because I didn’t know how to be a leader”. 

Now I realize  the more I work on myself I don’t always have the answers. If somebody’s  struggling with something, it’s not like, oh, Matt what do I do? It’s like, oh, Somebody’s coming to you for a reason, because they trust you. They feel like they can confide in you. And that is hard enough. Then for me to shy away and not at least listen to them. I’m not doing anybody a favor. 

 I think just slowing down and just listening to people. And then in that conversation, realizing  how do I feel listening to this? What is my body going through? Listening to this, and how can I relate to a lot of this stuff? And if I can’t, how can I help them just slow down and just sit and feel into it?  Even if I don’t have the answers most of the time. 

Using Fear as a Superpower

“I think about fear and how fear can literally be the greatest catalyst for a man”

I’m gonna step right into it, and I’m going to kick that damn door open. That’s been the greatest thing for me 

I try to always sit in gratitude. There’s a lot of times where I’m super ungrateful, and I take a lot of amazing things for granted. So I’ve been trying to learn how to slow down and just sit and just be like, man, everyday, these are three things I’m grateful for.

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Resources:

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Get access to a free 90-min Emotional Intelligence 101 Training at: http://victorung.com/eqtraining.

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